i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
