You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
