I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
