I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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