you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
