im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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