she woke up with a sticky ear
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
