thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
