I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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