We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
