god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
