Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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