I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
