She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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