I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
