then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're too hungover to prance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
