I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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