Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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