Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
