remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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