Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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