Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
