Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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