I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
