Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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