i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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