lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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