walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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