Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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