k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
