Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
