belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
