Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
