You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
