Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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