You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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