I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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