i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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