We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
