I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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