The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
