I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
