We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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