What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
