i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We talked him into tasing himself.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
