she was so not down for the gang bang
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
