just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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