Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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