She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
