i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
