i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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