it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
